Facebook pixel The Need for Meaningful Connection - Relationship IQ Blog | Boone Center for the Family | Pepperdine University Skip to main content
Pepperdine | Boone Center for the Family

The Need for Meaningful Connection


We want meaningful connection. As we mentioned in our previous blog post, "Why Do We Date?" there is a powerful longing in us for connection with others. Sometimes, people use dating as a way to fill the longing, running from relationship to relationship without finding what they think they are looking for. Dating for many becomes an attempt to answer the questions: Am I loved? Am I lovable? We want to be accepted and loved. We want someone to delight in us—just the way we are. However, it is not uncommon to feel unloved and unlovable when someone doesn't return our love or doesn't love us well or stops loving us.

Our emotional, spiritual, and relational health can be in turmoil because we do not have a firm sense of who we are, what our value is, or our purpose in life. At times, we try too hard to make life about us and find our value in what we can do. I'm worthy of love and respect because I ... do well in school, sports, art, .... Having to prove that you are valuable is way too much pressure for anyone to handle. It is so difficult to have a healthy self-image if you always have to prove your worth because you might believe you are only as good as your last achievement. When we think we have to prove ourselves or show that we are worthy of love, our self-image gets warped, and we think we have to create our identity.

The good news is that God loves you always. God has made you lovable. You don't need to date to answer the questions: "Am I loved?" "Am I lovable?" We find that answer in God alone. God is our first and most important relationship. Our sense of worth and our identity are found in being children of God and being loved by God. There is eternal security in God's love for us. Our identity and worth never change.

If you want to explore the topic of healthy dating more in depth, you can check out our Relationship IQ "How to Date the Best" module.